Your De-Escalation Skills Can Prevent a Bad Situation
The temperament of the American male these days seems to be on two sides of the spectrum. On one side, you have the men who seem to avoid all conflict, and then you have the other side that goes looking for it. When it comes to de-escalation and de-escalation skills, you need to walk that fine line between defusing the situation before it turns physical and being able to handle the situation should violence be the answer.
We live in a world where states are literally trying to pass bills that if someone feels you offended you, it can land you behind bars. And no, I’m not even joking, it’s happening in Michigan at the time of publishing this article. But the art of de-escalation is something you should work on and have in your back pocket.
Related Article: Situational Awareness — Defense Through Environmental Perception
In this article, we are going to dive deeper into de-escalation, why it’s important, tips and strategies to work on and consider, and how you can get out of most situations through de-escalation and “being the bigger man.”
Table of contents
What Exactly is De-Escalation?
The Department of Homeland Security defines de-escalation as: “The use of communication or other techniques during an encounter to stabilize, slow, or reduce the intensity of a potentially violent situation without using physical force, or with a reduction in force.”
Simply said, it’s a means of defusing a situation before things explode and gets out of hand physically or violently. Clearly, it’s frowned upon these days to throw down the gloves and go at it in the streets like what was deemed acceptable back in the day to resolve a conflict or issue.
Being that you’re a prepared individual who carries some means of protection (such as a knife or gun), you have the means to escalate things, but whether you have the legal means to do so may be a question raised when you sit in front of a panel of jurors. Therefore, de-escalation should be your first means of breaking contact and removing yourself from the situation. That said, you carry very specific tools for if anything does go south, and the use of deadly force is warranted.
If you don’t want to carry a fire arm, Pom Pepper Spray is a great tool to have in your pocket or purse to help get yourself out of hairy situations. Many men carry them, but if not, a defensive pocket knife or fixed blade is also better than nothing if you’re not carrying a gun (but know how to fight with a knife then).
How Do Things Escalate?
There seem to be many ways that things progressively escalate to where you would need to employ your de-escalation skills. Below are some signs that things are getting out of control and could take a physical turn at any moment.
Emotional Escalation
Emotional escalation occurs when individuals involved in a conflict or tense situation allow their emotions to intensify, leading to heightened anger, frustration, or aggression. As emotions escalate, rational thinking and effective communication often diminish, making it challenging to resolve the issue constructively.
Verbal Escalation
Verbal escalation refers to escalating hostile or confrontational language during a disagreement. It involves using aggressive or insulting words, personal attacks, yelling, or threats. Verbal escalation can further fuel tension, making it difficult to find common ground or reach a peaceful resolution.
Physical Escalation
Physical escalation involves the escalation of physical actions or aggression. It may include pushing, shoving, hitting, or other forms of physical violence. Physical escalation poses a significant risk to the safety and well-being of those involved and can have severe consequences.
You also have four stages of the above escalation:
1. Early Warning Signs
The first step of things escalating comes from early warning signs to look for. This can be pacing, swearing or cursing, having their arms crossed, fidgeting, etc.
At this stage of de-escalation, you want to remain calm, keep your distance, and talk your way to a solution.
2. Hostile
When you enter a hostile stage of escalation, things get turned up a notch, and the individual becomes argumentative, starts calling you names and using inappropriate language, their breathing increases, their face gets red, and their voice and tone increase.
Maintain your distance, stay calm, allow them to vent, alert someone about the situation, and be sure you understand where your means of egress are in this stage of de-escalation.
3. Threatening
Kicking things up another notch is when the individual(s) become threatening. They may clench their fist and/or jaw, they’re yelling, pointing fingers at you, waving objects at you, and threatening violence.
At this point, things are heading in the wrong direction quickly, and clearly, de-escalation skills haven’t worked in the prior stages. Here, you’ll want to ask for assistance, create even more distance between you and the aggressor, remain calm, continue to try to de-escalate, and do not physically engage them.
4. Assaultive
In this stage, things boil over, get physical, and it tends to lead you to need to go hands-on. Typically, this stage is where pushing, shoving, punching, kicking, etc., occurs.
I’m no attorney, nor am I law enforcement, but defending yourself will come into play here. If the individual turns violent, it needs to be met with equal force to prevent yourself from getting hurt (or worse). Be prepared to defend yourself and do whatever is necessary to protect your life.
What Are the 3 Steps to De-Escalation?
When honing in on your de-escalation skills, there are three areas you should focus on in order to be successful and reduce conflict.
Below are three steps to de-escalation that you should be aware of and understand:
1. Maintain Calm and Control Emotions
The first step in de-escalation is to remain calm and composed yourself. It’s important to manage your emotions and avoid responding aggressively or defensively. Take deep breaths, speak slowly and clearly, and maintain a relaxed body posture. By staying calm, you can create an atmosphere of safety and help diffuse the situation.
2. Active Listening and Empathy
Active listening involves giving your full attention to the person you’re interacting with. It means focusing on their words, tone, and body language, and demonstrating empathy. Show genuine interest in understanding their perspective and feelings. Reflect their words back to them to ensure accurate understanding. Empathy can help establish rapport and show the person that you acknowledge their concerns.
3. Establish and Explore Options
Once you have built a rapport and gained a better understanding of the person’s concerns, work collaboratively to identify possible solutions or options. Encourage them to express their needs and preferences. Explore alternatives that can address their concerns while also considering any constraints or limitations. Seek common ground and aim for a mutually agreeable resolution.
Remember, de-escalation techniques may vary depending on the context and the individuals involved. It’s important to adapt these steps to the specific situation and prioritize safety for all parties involved.
What Are Some De-Escalation Tips & Strategies?
If you were to think about when all dumb decisions are made, when and where would you assume most take place? Probably at a bar, right?
You have a bunch of people getting drunk, and tempers can flare, and next thing you know, some dude says he wants to punch your head clear off your body. At that point, your de-escalation skills should probably be sharp, and your ability to calm the situation is imperative.
Sometimes, simply apologizing, even if you did nothing wrong, and buying someone a beer can solve the issue. But when that’s not enough, you need to be able to shift to a new plan.
Related Article: The Two-Tier Justice System and New World Order
Below are some tips and strategies for de-escalation:
1. Maintain a Non-Threatening Body Language
Your body language can have a significant impact on the situation. Maintain an open posture, keep your arms uncrossed, and avoid any aggressive or confrontational gestures. Use relaxed and non-threatening gestures to convey understanding and willingness to listen.
2. Use Verbal De-Escalation Techniques
Choose your words carefully and use a calm and respectful tone of voice. Avoid using aggressive or demeaning language. Instead, speak slowly and softly to help create a calming effect. Use “I” statements to express your perspective and avoid blaming or accusing the other person.
3. Show Respect and Dignity
Treat the person with respect and dignity, regardless of the situation. Demonstrate empathy, validate their feelings, and avoid belittling or dismissing their concerns. Use phrases like “I understand,” “I hear what you’re saying,” or “I appreciate your perspective” to convey respect.
4. Active Listening
Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the person. Maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding, and provide verbal and non-verbal cues indicating you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. Avoid interrupting and allow them to fully express their thoughts and emotions.
5. Offer Choices and Empowerment
Whenever possible, give the person choices and options to help them feel empowered and in control. This can help them regain a sense of autonomy and reduce frustration. By involving them in the decision-making process, you can increase the chances of finding a mutually acceptable solution.
6. Use Time and Space
If the situation permits, create physical space between yourself and the person to reduce tension. Sometimes, taking a brief break or suggesting a change of environment can help both parties regain composure and think more clearly. And no, saying, “Let’s take this outside,” may not be the best way to de-escalate the situation.
7. Seek Assistance if Needed
If you feel that the situation is escalating or becoming unsafe, it’s essential to seek assistance from appropriate authorities or professionals. This might include calling security, involving law enforcement if necessary, or involving trained mediators or conflict resolution specialists.
De-Escalation Isn’t Optional, It’s Necessary
De-escalation is a vital skill that everyone can benefit from developing. In a world where conflicts and tensions can arise in various settings, from personal relationships to professional environments, having the ability to defuse and resolve conflicts peacefully is crucial.
By practicing de-escalation techniques, individuals can create an atmosphere of safety, respect, and understanding, which fosters effective communication and collaboration. De-escalation not only helps prevent situations from spiraling out of control but also allows for the exploration of mutually agreeable solutions. It empowers individuals to manage their emotions, actively listen, show empathy, and seek common ground.
Related Article: Carrying OC Spray is the Perfect Self-Defense Tool
Working on de-escalation skills can contribute to a more peaceful and harmonious society, where conflicts are resolved with empathy and understanding rather than escalating into harmful or destructive outcomes.
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